Today was very different for me.
I just couldn’t tell what was wrong.
I felt different and strange to the point where even the back of my palm was unfamiliar.
It got worse that I almost transferred the pain to innocent patients. Thanks to the timely intervention of my colleague.
Of all days, today’s the day my mom’s phone went off and unreachable. She always has a magical way of talking me out of my worries.
At 1:00pm during my lunch break, I came online to see if I could talk to someone but didn’t see anyone. Instead, my inbox was flooded with unread messages and relationship issues seeking answers.
I was giving strength to people but couldn’t find the strength for myself. I was busy typing and talking people out of bad states but couldn’t talk myself out of it.
It momentarily felt good doing good but I slipped back to my mood immediately.
An orphan cried out for help and my heart went out to her in my little way but the good feeling evaporated immediately. I felt her joy but it wasn’t contagious.
What was it? What happened?
I still couldn’t place my hands on anything.
Was it mood swings?
I tried using the same words I use in encouraging others on myself but it didn’t work.
Mummy’s number still wasn’t connecting.
I cried a bit if it will pass but it didn’t.
That was when I remembered my favourite Bible verse; 1st Corinthians 10 vs 13.
Oh! Peace, be still brethren.
There are times when you feel that way.
There are times when you are there for others but none is there for you.
Just stay calm and allow God do the fixing.
Today was fine.
Sharing it here feels better.
I learnt that you may not find the strength when you need it most.
I learnt the importance of not forgetting yourself in the process of helping others.